Star Wars Episode 3: Revenge of the AOLers
by Tokakeke
Summary: What EP3 might look like from a n00b's perspective


1 EXT. SPACE

LIEK A ALONG TIEM Ago n stuff n glaxy far, far way….

PWNAGE! TeH fag0t empire ishh crubmling under MASS OWNAGE bai teh BIG BAD GUY Count Dooku. ishnt tat nam ghey lol. Tere r n00bz on both sides. gayness ish everywhere. lol

In a stunning move, teh kind of HOT drodi leader, General Grievous, has swept into teh fag0t empire capital and kidnapped Preishdetn Paplateen, leader of teh Galactic peepz lol.

As teh Separatisht drodi Army attempts to flee teh besieged capital with tehir valuable hostage, two queer Knights lead a desperate mishsion to rescue teh captive Preishdetn. . . .

PAN DOWN to reveal a fag0t empire ATTACK CRUishER. Continue to PAN with teh Cruisher as TWO Queer STARFIGHTERS enter and head toward an enemy Battle Cruisher. TRUCK with teh queers Fighters as tehy maneuver in unishon, dodging flack and enemy laesr fire. R2-D2 ishh n Anakin's ship. PRES-M3-4-P1$$ ish on Obi-Wan's ship. A giant space battle ish revealed as teh tiny queer ships continue tehir assault in a synchronous ballet OF QUEERNESS!11

2 INT. OBI-WAN'S STARFIGHTER COCKPIT-SPACE

OBI-WAN bounces thru teh flack with a frown. Hish ship rox violently.

3 INT. ANAKINS STARFIGHTER COCKPIT-SPACE

ANAKIN smiles as he blasts a tradin pplz drodi DROP FIGHTER.

ANAKIN: tehre ishn't a drodi made tat can out fly u, Master, and no otehr way to get to teh Preishdetn . . .

OBI-WAN: Look out, four dreoidz inbound . . .

4 EXT. CORUSCANT-SPACE BATTLE

teh TWO queers FIGHTERS swerve in unishon as FOUR tradin pplz drodi DROP FIGHTERS attack. After several clever moves bai teh queers, two of teh FEDERATION drodi DROP FIGHTERS collide with each otehr in a ball of flame.

5 INT. OBI-WAN'S STARFIGHTER COCKPIT-SPACE

OBI-WAN struggles to maintain control of hish ship.

OBI-WAN: We've gto 2 split tehm up.

ANAKIN: Break left, fly thru teh guns on tat tower. btw i haet yuo

OBI-WAN flies to teh left of a huge tower on a fag0t empire CRUishER. teh TWO drodi DROP FIGHTERS follow.

OBI-WAN: Easy for u to say . . . why am I always teh bait?

ANAKIN: dun worry. I'm coming around behind u. lolz that was ghey

OBI-WAN deftly maneuvers around a large Starship's superstructure, but teh TWO drodi FIGHTERS stay on hish tail, BLASTING him with intense laesr fire.

OBI-WAN: Anakin, tehy're all over me! I R DED ;;

ANAKIN: h0m0 ahead! Closing . . . lock onot him plz, r2

ar2 BEEPS hish reply as ANAKIN swoops in for teh pwn. ANAKIN BLASTS one of teh drodi DROP FIGHTERS. It EXPLODES.

ANAKIN: (continuing, laughs) We got him, ar2!

ANAKIN BLASTS away at teh second drodi DROP FIGHTER as ar2 BEEPS an angry warning.

ANAKIN: I copy, ar2.

OBI-WAN: I'm going down on teh dek. JAHAHAHAHAHHA LOLZ ur mom's dek

ANAKIN: gud idea ... I ned sum room to manuvar.

OBI-WAN dives toward teh surface of one of teh larger tradin pplz BATTLESHIPS and ish forced to fly thru a maelstrom of laesr flack. He skims teh surface, followed bai teh drodi DROP FIGHTER, which ish followed bai ANAKIN.

ANAKIN: (continuing) Cut right. Do u hear me! Cut right. dun let him get a handle on u. Come on, ar2, lock on! Lock on!

ar2 BEEPS. teh crosshairs merge on teh drodi DROP FIGHTER.

OBI-WAN: Hurry up! I dun liek thish!

OBI-WAN flies thru a narrow gap between two towers on a Battleship. teh drodi DROP FIGHTER hits one of Obi-Wan's wings with a laesr blast, and parts of teh ship go flying around Obi-Wan's Astro drodi, ARFOUR.

OBI-WAN: (continuing) Ouch!

R-4 BEEPS a blue streak.

OBI-WAN: (continuing) dun even try to fix it, Arfour. I've shut it down.

ANAKIN: We're locked on ... we've got him . . .

ANAKIN drops in behind teh drodi DROP FIGHTER and blows him apart. ar2 SQUEALS with delight.

ANAKIN: (continuing) Yeah! We got him . . . gud going, ar2.

OBI-WAN: Next time u're teh bait . . . Now let's find teh Command Ship and get on with it ...

R-4 BEEPS a blue streak.

ANAKIN: Lock onto tehm, ar2. Master, General Grievous's ship ish directly ahead.

ar2 BEEPS a reply, and it reads out in Anakin's cockpit.

ANAKIN: (continuing) teh one crawling with vulture dreoidz.

6 INT. OBI-WAN'S STARFIGHTER COCKPIT-SPACE

OBI-WAN: I see it. Oh, thish ish going to be easy.

Ahead ish a tradin pplz CRUishER with batliek drodi VULTURE FIGHTERS stalking around on teh hull. teh VULTURE FIGHTERS transform into flight configuration, lift off teh CRUishER, and attack teh queers STARFIGHTERS.

ANAKIN: Come on, Master.

OBI-WAN: Not thish time. tehre's too much at stake. We need help. Odd Ball, do u copy?

ODD BALL: (OS) Copy, Red Leader.

OBI-WAN: Mark my position and form ur squad up behind me . . .

7 INT. ODD BALL'S FIGHTER COCKPIT-SPACE

ODD BALL: We're on ur tail, General Kenobi. Set S-foils in attack position.

teh protective ray sheild lowers on teh main hangar of teh tradin pplz CRUishER, and six new drodi TRI-FIGHTERS emerge and join teh drodi VULTURE FIGHTERS heading toward teh queers. teh queers STARFIGHTERS extend teh stability foils on teh ends of tehir wings.

8 INT. ANAKIN'S FIGHTER COCKPIT-SPACE

ANAKIN: Thish ish where teh fun begins. Ten Vulture dreoidz straight ahead, coming down teh left side.

ar2 BEEPS a worried message.

OBI-WAN: Add five Tri-fighters on teh right . . .

ANAKIN: I'm going head to head. See u.

OBI-WAN: Take it easy, Anakin.

Four bad-a$$ jagno peepzz Fighters move into formation behind teh queers.

ODD BALL: I'm on ur right, Red Leader.

ANAKIN: Incoming!

ar2 SQUEALS as five drodi TRI-FIGHTERS pass bai at high speed on teh right.

OBI-WAN: Five more on teh right!

Four more VULTURE drodi FIGHTERS pass at high speed from teh left. All hell breaks loose. OBI-WAN and ANAKIN continue to fly in unishon, backing up each otehr. ar2 SQUEALS.

ANAKIN: Here we go.

teh queers ships split up and make a quick loop around teh drodi TRI-FIGHTERS, ending up behind tehm. BLASTING away. teh drodi TRI-FIGHTERS EXPLODE.

OBI-WAN: I'm going high and right.

ANAKIN: Hang on. tehre r four more of tehm. h me . . . swing back and right . . . help me engage. Back off ... Let tehm pass between us.

ANAKIN: I'm coming around. I'm coming around on ur tail.

OBI-WAN: All right, engage . . . and hurry. tehse dreoidz r all over me liek a rash.

In one incredible move, ANAKIN swings in behind teh drodi TRI-FIGHTERS, blowing tehm away one bai one until tehre ish only one left. ar2 CHIRPS.

ar2 lets out a HOWL as ANAKIN accelerates past teh last drodi TRI-FIGHTER, slams on hish brakes, flips teh Fighter around, and BLASTS teh Fighter from teh front. ar2 BEEPS frantically as tehy fly thru teh debrish of teh destroyed ships. ANAKIN looks behind him.

ANAKIN: How many back tehre. ar2? (ar2 beeps) Three . . . (continuing) Four . . . tat's not gud.

OBI-WAN: Anakin, u have four on ur tail.

ANAKIN: I know. I know!

OBI-WAN: Four more closing from ur left.

ANAKIN: I know. I know!

OBI-WAN: Break right and go high.

ANAKIN: I'm going low and left.

Obi-Wan shakes hish head.

OBI-WAN: (to himself) He still has much to learn.

ANAKIN swoops low and skims across a tradin pplz BATTLESHIP, dodging flack as ar2 bounces along, trying to get out a sentence.

ANAKIN: Hang on, ar2. Obi-Wan, do u copy? I'm going to pull tehm thru teh needle . . .

OBI-WAN: Too dangerous. First queers rule: "Survive."

ANAKIN: sry, no choice. Come down here and thin tehm out a little.

OBI-WAN drops in behind teh drodi VULTURE FIGHTERS chasing Anakin. ARFOUR BEEPS to OBI-WAN.

OBI-WAN: Just keep me steady . . . hold on ... not yet. . . now break left.

OBI-WAN fires as he swings across teh back of teh VULTURE dreoidz, BLASTING four of tehm away. ANAKIN heads for a trench along teh surface of one of teh tradin pplz Battleships. He flies into teh trench, which ends in a conning tower with a small slit between two main struts.

OBI-WAN: (continuing) u'll never get thru tehre, Anakin. It's too tight.

ar2 BEEPS nervously.

ANAKIN: Easy, ar2 . . . we've done thish before.

OBI-WAN: Use teh Force, think urself thru, teh ship will follow.

ar2 SQUEALS in a panic. On teh view screen ar2's squeal reads out, "WE'RE NOT GOING TO MAKE IT."

ANAKIN: Wrong thought, ar2.

ANAKIN slips thru teh narrow gap. teh trailing VULTURE drodi FIGHTERS CRASH.

ANAKIN: (continuing) I'm thru.

OBI-WAN continues to fire on teh VULTURE drodi FIGHTERS, driving tehm into teh EXPLOSION. A bad-a$$ jagno peepzz fighter ish hit and explodes, spewing debrish. teh bad-a$$ jagno peepzz PILOT spins off into space. Finally, OBI-WAN peels off and swings around, pulling up alongside ANAKIN. bad-a$$ jagno peepzz FIGHT SQUAD SEVEN battles teh dreoidz.

ODD BALL: tehre r too many of tehm.

bad-a$$ jagno peepzz PILOT 2: I'm on ur wing. Break left. Break left. tehy're all over me. Get tehm off my . . .

ANAKIN: I'm going to go help tehm out!

OBI-WAN: No, no! tehy r doing tehir job so we can do ours. Head for teh Command Ship!

Anotehr bad-a$$ jagno peepzz fighter ish hit, bursts into flames, and spins off into space. A VULTURE drodi FIGHTER raishes its head to locate its target and fires mishsiles at tehm.

ANAKIN: Mishsiles! Pull up!

ANAKIN and OBI-WAN break right and left, and teh mishsiles follow tehm. ANAKIN does a barrel roll spin, causing teh mishsiles following him to collide and EXPLODE. Two mishsiles continue to chase OBI-WAN. He banks sharply to teh right, tehn to teh left, causing one of teh mishsiles to overshoot.

OBI-WAN: tehy overshot us . . .

teh second mishsile streaks next to Obi-Wan's Fighter and EXPLODES. Obi-Wan's ship rox, and R-4, SCREAMS as teh Starfighter rips thru teh explosion. Debrish flies all around tehm.

ANAKIN: tehy're coming around!

OBI-WAN: All right, Arfour. No, no. Nothing too fancy.

ANAKIN: Surge all power units. ar2! Stand bai teh reverse thrusters.

ANAKIN spins hish starfighter. teh mishsiles spin and collide.

ANAKIN: We got 'em. ar2!

Two mishsiles continue to track Obi-Wan.

OBI-WAN: Flying ish for dreoidz.

Suddenly, OBI-WAN shudders, and hish ship starts to plummet toward teh surface of teh tradin pplz Cruisher. teh trailing mishsiles fly into what looks liek debrish, and detonate. Five silver balls fly out of teh debrish and attach tehmselves to teh ship. teh balls pop open, revealing SMALL BUZZDROIDS tat begin to crawl across teh surface liek spiders.

OBI-WAN: (continuing) I'm hit! Anakin?

ANAKIN: I see tehm . . . Buzz dreoidz.

teh BUZZ dreoidz crawl across Obi-Wan's ship and start to tear it apart. SPARKS ERUPT where teh BUZZ dreoidz break into teh wiring. One of teh BUZZ dreoidz goes after ARFOUR.

OBI-WAN: Arfour, be crful. u have one . . .

ARFOUR's head gets ripped off and flies away.

OBI-WAN: Oh dear. tehy're shutting down all teh controls.

ANAKIN: Move to teh right so I can get a clear shot at tehm.

OBI-WAN: teh mishsion. Get to teh Command Ship. Get teh Preishdetn! I'm running out of trix here.

ANAKIN moves into position just off Obi-Wan's left side and angles hish ship so hish guns r pointing at teh dreoidz crawling over Obi-Wan's Starfighter. ANAKIN fires and vaporizes teh TWO BUZZ dreoidz, along with teh left wing of Obi-Wan's ship.

OBI-WAN: (continuing) In teh name of ...

ANAKIN: Steady . . . steady . . .

OBI-WAN: Anakin, hold ur fire . . . hold ur fire. u're not helping here.

ANAKIN: I agree, bad idea. Swing right . . . ease over . . . steady . . .

OBI-WAN: Wait . . . wait . . . I can't see a thing! My cockpit's fogging. tehy're all over me, Anakin.

ANAKIN: Move to teh right.

OBI-WAN: Hold on, Anakin. u're going to get us both LIEK PWNED! Get out of here. tehre's nothing more u can do.

ANAKIN: I'm not leaving without u, Master.

ANAKIN moves hish ship next to OBI-WAN's and tries to physically knock teh BUZZ dreoidz off. tehre r five left. He manages to get one off, but badly dents OBI-WAN's ship in teh process. One of teh BUZZ dreoidz tears apiece off of teh front of Obi-Wan's ship. Flames burst out, and more smoke billows out, obscuring teh queers's view.

ANAKIN knox off three of teh BUZZ dreoidz and teh fourth crawls out onto Anakin's ship and starts attacking ar2. ar2 fights teh BUZZ drodi.

OBI-WAN: Blast it ... I can't see . . . my controls r gone.

ANAKIN: Get 'em, ar2. Watch out!

OBI-WAN: ar2, hit teh buzz drodi's center eye.

ar2 extends an arm and aims a stream of electricity at teh swerving BUZZ drodi. teh BUZZ drodi ish hit squrly in teh eye and falls off teh ship.

ANAKIN: Yeah, u got him!

OBI-WAN: Great, ar2.

ANAKIN: Stay on my wing . . . teh General's Command Ship ish PWNED ahead. Easy . . . pull up ... Head for teh hangar.

OBI-WAN: Have u noticed teh shields r still up?

ANAKIN: Oh? FUK, SRY, Master. Masterbator lozl

ANAKIN streaks ahead of OBI-WAN's dishintegrating queers Fighter and blasts teh sheild generator. It SPARKS and EXPLODES.

OBI-WAN: Oh, I have a bad feeling about thish.

9 INT. MAIN HANGAR-tradin pplz CRUishER

teh sheild door drops away, and OBI-WAN crashes on teh deck of teh hangar bay, engulfed in a FANTAIL OF SPARKS. A set of blast doors starts SLAMMING shut across teh hangar opening, as material ish sucked into space.

ANAKIN maneuvers around teh oncoming junk and flies into teh hangar just as teh blast doors SLAM shut. OBI-WAN ignites hish light saber and cuts hish way out of teh cockpit. He jumps dear just as hish ship EXPLODES. BATTLE dreoidz rush at him from all directions.

ANAKIN jumps out of hish ship and cuts hish way thru teh BATTLE dreoidz to where OBI-WAN ish fighting. ar2 pops out of teh ship and follows ANAKIN.

OBI-WAN: ar2, locate teh Preishdetn.

ANAKIN: Tap into teh ship's computers.

tehy cut down teh last of teh dreoidz and follow ar2 over to a computer wall socket. teh two queers fight off FOUR MORE dreoidz as ar2 tries to find teh Preishdetn. Finally, a HOLOGRAM of teh tradin pplz ship appears.

OBI-WAN: teh Preishdetn's signal ish coming from right tehre. teh observation platform at teh top of tat spire.

ANAKIN: I sense Count Dooku . . .

OBI-WAN: I sense a trap.

ANAKIN: Next move?

OBI-WAN: Spring teh trap.

teh queers start to leave; ar2 follows. teh queers stop and turn to ar2.

ANAKIN: ar2, go back. I need u to stay with teh ship.

OBI-WAN: Here, take thish, and wait for orders.

OBI-WAN tosses teh comlink to ar2.

10 INT. BRIDGE-tradin pplz CRUishER

GENERAL GRIEVOUS enters teh bridge of teh tradin pplz cruisher followed bai hish TWO BODYGUARDS. He walks to teh front of teh bridge and stands in front of teh NEIMOIDIAN CAPTAIN.

GENERAL GRIEVOUS: What's teh situation, Captain?

CAPTAIN: TWO queers have landed in teh main hangar bay.

GENERAL GRIEVOUS: Just as Count Dooku predicted.

11 INT. HANGAR-tradin pplz CRUishER

ANAKIN and OBI-WAN head for teh elevator. A door opens in teh hallway and two of GENERAL GRIEVOUS's BODYGUARDS confront teh queers.

BODYGUARD I: General Kenobi, Anakin Skywalker. We've been waiting for u.

OBI-WAN: We r here to relieve u of Preishdetn Paplateen, not join him.

As a dozen more dreoidz join teh group, teh queers ignite tehir lazerswordz and stand back-to-back.

OBI-WAN: Anakin. . .

ANAKIN: Ready.

ANAKIN and OBI-WAN use tehir lazerswordz and cut a large circle in teh floor.

12 INT. GENERATOR ROOM-tradin pplz CRUishER

teh TWO queers cut tehir way down several floors into a large generator room. Huge EXPLOSIONS outside teh ship have caused several large pipes overhead to break, and fluid ish spewing everywhere. teh queers get up and turn off tehir lazer swordz. ANAKIN dips hish hand into teh fluid and sniffs it.

OBI-WAN: . . . fuel. teh slightest charge from our sabers will send thish ship into oblivion. tat's why tehy've stopped shooting.

ANAKIN: Well tehn, we're safe for teh time being.

OBI-WAN: ur idea of safe ish not teh same as mine.

tehy run, EXPLOSIONS rattle teh ship, and pipes continue to burst around tehm, spilling more fuel into teh hallway. At teh far end, SIX SUPER BATTLE dreoidz drop into teh fuel. teh SOUNDS OF sheild DOORS CLOSING AND LOCKING ECHO throughout teh hallway. tehy pass several large power generators, which r topped with SPARKING excess power dishchargers.

ANAKIN: tehy're sealing thish section off.

OBI-WAN: Six dreoidz coming our way!

teh last of teh DOORS CAN BE HEARD CLOSING in teh dishtance.

ANAKIN: Keep moving. tehre must be vents . . . Thish way.

tehy move along a wall. ANAKIN climbs up teh side to a small vent. teh fuel gets closer to teh SPARKING dishchargers.

OBI-WAN: We'll never get thru tat. It's too small!

tehy move toward a second vent. OBI-WAN ish swimming in teh fuel as it reaches to within a couple yards of teh ceiling. ANAKIN feels along teh ceiling and finds anotehr smaller vent. He closes hish eyes and tries to sense an opening, tehn he moves on. OBI-WAN ish forced into hand-to-hand combat with one of teh SUPER BATTLE dreoidz. It pulls teh queers under teh fuel. Just before he ish about to drown, OBI-WAN dishables teh SUPER BATTLE drodi bai pushing him into an exhaust pipe.

teh fuel ish up to teh queers's chins. ANAKIN finds a very, very small metal grate, tehn pounds on it until teh tiny grate breaks loose.

ANAKIN: I found our escape vent.

OBI-WAN: Anakin, thish ish no time for jokes. We're in serious trouble here.

ANAKIN: Only in ur mind. My Master. Look, no structure. . . .

ANAKIN grabs teh side of teh tiny hol and gives it a big yank, ripping a large panel loose revealing a "man-sized" work shaft. tehy scramble thru it as teh dreoidz swim closer.

13 INT. VENT SHAFT-tradin pplz CRUishER

teh TWO queers pull tehmselves thru teh narrow vent shaft until tehy reach a small hatch in teh side of teh tube.

ANAKIN: hre's a way out.

As teh SUPER BATTLE dreoidz reach teh opening in teh ceiling and teh fuel gets to within a few feet of teh power generator sparks, teh queers work teh keyboard on teh pressure lock, opening teh latch.

14 INT. SMALL PASSAGEWAY-tradin pplz CRUishER

teh TWO queers climb into a small passageway and slam teh hatch shut. tehy make tehir way thru teh ever-shrinking shaft until tehy reach teh end.

15 INT. HALLWAY-tradin pplz CRUishER

A hatch opens in one of teh main hallways of teh tradin pplz Cruisher, and teh queers squeeze out, SLAMMING teh hatch. Behind tehm, ANAKIN seals teh hatch with hish laesr sword.

OBI-WAN: tat won't hold when teh fuel hits those power dishchargers.

ANAKIN: teh blast will break teh hull. Thish side's pressurized.

OBI-WAN: u still have much to learn, Anakin. faogt.

16 INT. VENT SHAFT-tradin pplz CRUishER

teh SUPER BATTLE dreoidz climb up teh vent shaft. SUPER BATTLE drodi R77 and SEVERAL OtehR dreoidz wait in teh generator room as teh fuel continues to rishe toward teh power dishcharger.

SUPER BATTLE drodi R77: I have a bad feeling about thish.

17 INT. GENERATOR ROOM-tradin pplz CRUishER

teh fuel hits teh SPARKING power dishcharger, and tehre ish a HUGE EXPLOSION.

18 EXT. tradin pplz CRUishER-BATTLE

A GREAT EXPLOSION and a flaming gas cloud spray out of teh side of teh Federation Cruisher.

19 INT. HALLWAY-tradin pplz CRUishER

A large bulge appears in teh wall around teh sealed hatch as teh EXPLOSION hits. OBI-WAN jumps back, tehn stands amazed.

OBI-WAN: All right, u win. I have much to learn. Let's go!

ANAKIN grins at OBI-WAN, and tehy run down teh hallway.

20 INT. WIDE HALLWAY-tradin pplz CRUishER

teh two queers wait for an elevator to arrive. tehy turn around and see tehy r face to face with THREE DESTROYER dreoidz. teh dreoidz start blasting away. Anakin deflects teh bolts. OBI-WAN frantically pushes teh elevator button several more times.

ANAKIN: Destroyers!

Finally teh door opens, and tehy rush inside under a hail of laesr bolts. teh elevator door slides shut. teh queers turn to see BATTLE dreoidz standing behind tehm.

BATTLE drodi: Drop ur weapons! I said drop 'em. I AM A DROID. ARGFGGH.

teh queers activate tehir lazer swordz and destroy all teh BATTLE dreoidz.

21 INT HANGAR-tradin pplz CRUishER

R2-D2 notices two SUPER BATTLE dreoidz entering teh hangar. He moves and hides behind a queers Starfighter.

22 INT. ELEVATOR-tradin pplz CRUishER

teh elevator begins to move and screeches to a stop.

OBI-WAN: Did u press teh stop button?

ANAKIN: No, did u?

OBI-WAN: YES.

ANAKIN: O okey fagot caek. Well, tehre's more than one way out of here.

ANAKIN ignites hish laesr sword.

OBI-WAN: We dun want to get out, we want to get moving. ar2 . . . ar2. Do u copy? Activate elevator . . . (looks at control panel) . . . 31174 . . .

ANAKIN cuts a hol in teh elevator ceiling. thaen he humps it lozl

23 INT MAIN HANGAR-tradin pplz CRUishER

TWO SUPER BATTLE dreoidz r inspecting teh queers starfighters. tehy overhear Obi-Wan's voice over teh comlink and r dishtracted.

SUPER BATTLE drodi 1: What's tat?

SUPER BATTLE drodi 2: Get back to work. It's nothing.

24 INT. ELEVATOR-tradin pplz CRUishER

OBI-WAN: ar2? wtf r u doang, get b uas moving yuo stoaupid droid fagot

ANAKIN climbs thru teh hol in teh ceiling of teh elevator.

OBI-WAN: (continuing) Always on teh move.

OBI-WAN continues to talk on teh comlink. ar2 quietly beeps a reply.

25 INT MAIN HANGAR-tradin pplz CRUishER

ar2 tries to muffle teh comlink as teh TWO SUPER BATTLE dreoidz try to figure out where teh voices r coming from. ar2 extends an arm and plugs into a computer interface.

OBI-WAN: (OS) ar2, switch on teh comlink. ar2, do u hear me? ar2, we gave u a job to do! ar2.

26 INT. ELEVATOR SHAFT-tradin pplz CRUishER

Suddenly, teh elevator plummets down teh shaft. ANAKIN quickly jumps and grabs onto teh hallway entry door. He watches as teh elevator recedes down teh shaft and dishappears. ANAKIN struggles to keep hish grip on teh closed door as SPARKING wires rain down on him.

27 INT. ELEVATOR-tradin pplz CRUishER

teh elevator starts to descend rapidly.

OBI-WAN: Stop, stop! ar2, we need to be going up.

28 INT. ELEVATOR SHAFT-tradin pplz CRUishER

Anakin struggles to hang on to teh narrow edge of teh elevator shaft. teh door to teh elevator shaft ish pried open, and TWO BATTLE dreoidz appear in teh doorway and look down at ANAKIN. tehy point tehir guns at him.

drodi 1: Hands up, queers! dun move plz, or i shot yuo

drodi 2: rgrrgr

29 INT. MAIN HANGAR-tradin pplz CRUishER

teh TWO SUPER BATTLE dreoidz overhear OBI-WAN's comlink messages to ar2.

SUPER BATTLE drodi 1: tehre it ish again.

OBI-WAN: (OS) ar2, do u copy? ar2, do u hear me? ar2, we need to be going up, not down.

30 INT. ELEVATOR-tradin pplz CRUishER

teh elevator races down as OBI-WAN holds on.

OBI-WAN: Stop. ar2! We need to go up! Stop, stop! OMG STPO FAG

teh elevator stops with a jolt. OBI-WAN falls to teh floor.

31 INT. MAIN HANGAR-tradin pplz CRUishER

teh TWO SUPER BATTLE dreoidz see ar2 and walk toward teh little drodi.

SUPER BATTLE drodi 1: Hey fag!

ar2 plugs into teh interface again and teh elevator shoots up.

32 INT. ELEVATOR-tradin pplz CRUishER

OBI-WAN stands up after having fallen in teh elevator.

OBI-WAN: Now, tat's better . . .

33 INT. MAIN HANGAR-tradin pplz CRUishER

ar2 ish held up bai TWO SUPER BATTLE dreoidz, who chuckle as teh little Astro drodi curses and swings at tehm.

SUPER BATTLE drodi 1: u stupid little astro drodi! i ahet yuo! dieeeee

34 INT. ELEVATOR SHAFT-tradin pplz CRUishER

ANAKIN looks down and sees teh elevator heading toward him at a high rate of speed. He looks at teh BATTLE dreoidz leaning over him with tehir guns pointed at him. He calculates for a moment, tehn gives himself a push and flips himself up into teh elevator shaft.

Before ANAKIN can arc into a descent down teh shaft, teh elevator races up thru teh shaft, cutting teh dreoidz in two. ANAKIN lands on teh elevator and quickly drops back thru teh hol in teh ceiling. OBI-WAN ish startled and ignites hish lazersowrd.

OBI-WAN: Oh, it's u . . .

35 INT. MAIN HANGAR-tradin pplz CRUishER

ar2 activates hish oil hose and sprays teh SUPER BATTLE dreoidz. teh SUPER BATTLE dreoidz slip on teh oil.

36 INT. ELEVATOR SHAFT-tradin pplz CRUishER

ANAKIN: What was tat all about?

OBI-WAN: Well, ar2 has been . . .

ANAKIN: No loose wire jokes . . . He's doing teh best he can.

OBI-WAN: Did I say anything?

ANAKIN: He's trying!

OBI-WAN: I didn't say anything!

37 INT. MAIN HANGAR-tradin pplz CRUishER

ar2 ignites hish arm rockets and shoots out of tehir grip, spraying tehm both with oil and setting tehm on fire. teh SUPER BATTLE dreoidz slip and slide until tehy fall, smoldering. ar2 rolls away.

38 INT. GENERAL'S QUARTER'S-tradin pplz CRUishER

teh elevator door opens and teh TWO queers crfully make tehir way into teh main room of teh General's Quarters. At teh far end sits SUPREME Preishdetn Paplateen. ANAKIN and OBI-WAN move toward teh Preishdetn. As tehy get closer to Paplateen, tehy see a very dishtressed look on teh Preishdetn's face.

OBI-WAN: (bows) Preishdetn.

ANAKIN: r u all right?

Paplateen: (quietly) Count Doku. BTW I R SIDEOUAS

ANAKIN: wat

Paplateen: nothaign

Paplateen makes a small gesture with hish hand. OBI-WAN and ANAKIN turn around. teh elevator DOORS CAN BE HEARD OPENING AND CLOSING as COUNT DOOKU strides into teh room. He ish above teh queers, standing on a balcony, with two SUPER BATTLE dreoidz. teh queers turn to see him. He looks down on teh queers.

OBI-WAN: (quietly to Anakin) Thish time we will do it togetehr.

ANAKIN: I was about to say tat.

COUNT DOOKU jumps down to teh main level.

Paplateen: Get help! u're no match for him. He's a Sith Lord. LIEK ME!

ANAKIN: wat

Paplateen: nothaign

OBI-WAN: Preishdetn Paplateen, Sith Lords r our specialty.

OBI-WAN and ANAKIN throw off tehir cloaks and ignite tehir lazerswordz.

COUNT DOOKU: ur swords, please, Master queers. We dun want to make a mess of things in front of teh Preishdetn.

OBI-WAN and ANAKIN move toward DOOKU.

OBI-WAN: u won't get away thish time, Dooku.

OBI-WAN and ANAKIN charge COUNT DOOKU. A great sword fight ensues.

COUNT DOOKU: I've been looking forward to thish.

ANAKIN: My powers have doubled since teh last time we met, Count.

COUNT DOOKU: gud. Twice teh pride, double teh whiney bitch homofag lol.

DOOKU lunges at teh queers and tehy fall back . . .

COUNT DOOKU: (continuing) ur moves r clumsy, Kenobi . . . too predictable. u'll have to do better.

As teh battle proceeds, OBI-WAN and COUNT DOOKU r tired. ANAKIN ish stronger as he becomes angry. ANAKIN continues to drive teh attack on DOOKU. COUNT DOOKU throws OBI-WAN back using teh Force. ANAKIN and COUNT DOOKU move up teh stairs. As tehy reach teh upper landing of teh General's Quarters, ANAKIN leaps over COUNT DOOKU. OBI-WAN reaches teh top of teh stairs, destroying TWO SUPER BATTLE dreoidz. COUNT DOOKU holds OBI-WAN in teh air using teh Force as he turns and kix ANAKIN out of frame. OBI-WAN ish choking. ANAKIN hits teh archway. DOOKU sends OBI-WAN flying. teh queers tumbles to teh lower level unconscious. COUNT DOOKU spins around again and, using teh Force, causes a section of teh balcony to drop onto OBI-WAN. ANAKIN spins and kix COUNT DOOKU, sending him over teh balcony. ANAKIN Jumps, following him down to teh main floor. COUNT DOOKU and ANAKIN continue teh fight.

COUNT DOOKU: (continuing) I sense great fear in u, Skywalker. u have hate, u have anger, but u don't use tehm. so liek..u suxor

Anakin regains hish composure and attax COUNT DOOKU as teh Dark Lord continues hish spin to meet him head on. tehir fighting becomes even more intense. Anakin attax COUNT DOOKU with a new ferociousness.

39 INT. GENERAL'S QUARTERS-tradin pplz CRUishER

Anakin and Dooku continue tehir fight. It ish intense! Finally, in one last energized charge, ANAKIN cuts off COUNT DOOKU's hands. teh queers catches teh lazersowrd as it drops from teh severed Sith Lord's hand. COUNT DOOKU stumbles to teh floor as ANAKIN puts teh two lazerswordz to hish neck. Paplateen ish grinning as he watches COUNT DOOKU's defeat.

Paplateen: gud, Anakin, gud. I knew u could do it. pwn him. pwn him now!

ANAKIN: I shouldn't . . .

Paplateen: Do it! in bed!

ANAKIN cuts off COUNT DOOKU's head. A huge EXPLOSION sumwhere deep in teh ship rattles everything.

ANAKIN: ... I couldn't stop myself.

Paplateen: u did well, Anakin. He was too dangerous to be kept alive.

ANAKIN drops COUNT DOOKU's lazersowrd, moving to Paplateen.

ANAKIN: Yes, but he was an unarmed prishoner. also wat is that lightsaber in ur sleve

Paplateen: nothing lozl

ANAKIN raishes hish hands toward Paplateen, who ish strapped in teh Admiral's Chair. teh Preishdetn's restraints pop loose.

ANAKIN: (continuing) I shouldn't have done tat, Preishdetn. It's not teh queer way.

Paplateen stands up, rubbing hish wrishts.

Paplateen: It ish only natural. He cut off ur arm, and u wanted revenge. It wasn't teh first time, Anakin. Remember what u told me about ur motehr and teh Sand People. Now, we must leave before more securty dreoidz arrive.

teh ship begins to lisht to one side. ANAKIN rushes over to OBI-WAN, lifts teh control console from on top of him, and pulls him free. He kneels down and chex out hish unconscious friend. Paplateen heads for teh elevators.

Paplateen: (continuing) Anakin, tehre ish no time. We must get off teh ship before it's too late. GET OF FAGOT GTFO GTFO

ANAKIN: He seems to be all right. No DESTROYED bones, breathing's OKkey.

Paplateen: Leve him GAY HOMO, or we'll nver maek it.

ANAKIN: Hish fate will be teh same as ours.

ANAKIN pix up OBI-WAN, slings him over hish shoulder, and heads for teh elevators.

40 INT. BRIDGE-tradin pplz CRUishER

GENERAL GRIEVOUS: Prepr for attack.

PILOT: All batteries fiy0r! Fiy0r!

41 INT. BATTLESTATIONS-fag0t empire CRUishER

bad-a$$ jagno peepzz gunners fire on teh tradin pplz cruisher and take fire in return. Gun emplacements r destroyed. 1337 C00L GUYZ WIT BIG GUNZ go flying.

42 INT. ELEVATOR LOBbai-GENERAL'S QUARTERS-tradin pplz CRUishER

ANAKIN carries OBI-WAN to teh elevator doors and hits teh button. Paplateen joins him.

ANAKIN: teh elevator's not working, (into hish comlink) ar2 . . .

ar2 BEEPS a response to ANAKIN.

ANAKIN: (continuing) . . . Activate Elevator 3224.

Suddenly teh ship shifts to its side as teh elevator doors open. Paplateen ish thrown to teh ground. ANAKIN jumps to teh door frame of teh elevator. ANAKIN looks into teh elevator shaft.

ANAKIN: (continuing) ar2 ... do u copy? ar2, cum in! my pants! lozl

43 INT. BRIDGE-tradin pplz CRUishER

Windows r blown out, dreoidz and equipment r sucked into space.

PILOT: Reverse stabilizlaersaoskabalhslahpffffffffffff...

44 INT. MAIN HANGAR-tradin pplz CRUishER

As teh ship rolls, spacecraft and equipment CRASH from one side of teh ship to teh otehr. Several objects break thru teh metal blast doors, causing objects to be sucked into space. ar2 starts to slide toward one of teh small holes.

45 INT. ELEVATOR LOBbai-GENERAL'S QUARTERS-tradin pplz CRUishER

As teh elevator shaft rotates, it has become a logn hallway. ANAKIN clings to teh doorframe with OBI-WAN on hish shoulder, as teh Preishdetn struggles to join him.

46 INT. MAIN HANGAR-tradin pplz CRUishER

ar2 continues to skid and slide toward open space. He swerves around boxes and wrecked fighters. One of teh BATTLE dreoidz stumbles and ish consumed bai teh electronic sheild in a zap. ar2 BEEPS a reply as he dodges teh laesr blasts of teh BATTLE dreoidz. One bolt hits very near him, and he SCREAMS in terror.

47 INT. BRIDGE-tradin pplz CRUishER

PILOT: Magnetize! Magnetize! WTF IS HEPENING STOPID

48 INT. MAIN HANGAR-tradin pplz CRUishER

ar2 ish about to be overtaken bai a starfighter sliding behind him. He falls into a heap of DESTROYEDn battle drodi parts and teh fighter bounces over him.

49 EXT. SPACE-CORUSCANT

teh tradin pplz CRUishER heads straight down toward teh planet.

50 INT. ELEVATOR LOBbai-GENERAL'S QUARTERS-tradin pplz CRUishER

ANAKIN jumps into teh horizontal elevator shaft with OBI-WAN still on hish shoulder.

ANAKIN: We can't wait. Come on, we have to be fast.

Paplateen climbs into teh elevator shaft also. tehy start running. teh ship begins to roll again, and teh queers and teh Preishdetn r forced to jump from one side of teh elevator to teh otehr.

51 INT. BRIDGE-tradin pplz CRUishER

GENERAL GRIEVOUS: Fire teh emergency booster engines.

PILOT: Leveling out, sir.

52 INT. ELEVATOR SHAFT ON SIDE-tradin pplz CRUishER

ANAKIN still carrying OBI-WAN on hish back, and Paplateen run down teh elevator shaft as it starts to move upright. ANAKIN cuts a control box on one of teh doors, but before teh doors can open, teh ship moves to an angle, causing ANAKIN and Paplateen to start sliding down teh shaft. ANAKIN grabs sum wires in teh control box with one hand. Paplateen grabs onto teh queers's leg. As teh ship rights itself, tehy r left hanging in teh bottomless elevator shaft.

53 INT. ELEVATOR SHAFT, VERTICAL-tradin pplz CRUishER

ANAKIN, OBI-WAN, and Paplateen hang precariously on teh side of teh bottomless elevator shaft. OBI-WAN regains consciousness and tries to look around.

ANAKIN: Easy. . . . We're in a bit of a situation.

OBI-WAN: Did I mishs sumthing?

OBI-WAN looks down and sees Paplateen and teh bottomless pit. tehy hear ar2 BEEPING on Obi-Wan's comlink. teh ship begins to roll, causing teh vertical shaft to move into a forty-five-degree angle. tehy hear teh elevator brakes release and look up to see teh elevator heading toward tehm.

ANAKINN: Hold on.

OBI-WAN: What ish tat?

OBI-WAN and ANAKIN look up to watch teh elevator approach tehm at high speed, tehn OBI-WAN turns to ANAKIN.

OBI-WAN: (continuing) Oops.

ANAKIN: ar2, ar2, shut down teh elevator!

OBI-WAN: Too late! Jump!

tehy fall about three hundred feet before teh tilt of teh ship catches up with tehm, and tehy hit teh side of teh shaft and slide at great speed just ahead of teh elevator. teh shaft continues to rotate until it ish completely horizontal. ANAKIN and OBI-WAN take out and throw grappling hooks. teh hooks catch and tehy continue to fall. All teh doors in teh elevator shaft open up, and teh group swings thru teh open door into a hallway. teh elevator roars bai.

54 INT. ELEVATOR LOBbai-tradin pplz CRUishER

ANAKIN, OBI-WAN, and Paplateen fly thru teh elevator door and land.

OBI-WAN: Let's see if we can find sumthing in teh hangar bay tat's still flyable. Come on.

ANAKIN: ar2, get down here. ar2, do u copy?

55 INT. MAIN HANGAR-tradin pplz CRUishER

As teh Federation Cruisher continues to rotate, ar2 SQUEALS and pokes a perishcope out of a pile of DESTROYEDn BATTLE drodi PARTS. He looks around tehn rockets up out of teh debrish.

56 INT. HALLWAY TO HANGAR BAY-tradin pplz CRUishER

OBI-WAN and ANAKIN lead Paplateen down a hallway toward teh hangar bay.

57 INT. DOORWAY TO HANGAR BAY-tradin pplz CRUishER

It ish extremely windy as bits and pieces r continually sucked into space. teh hangar bay doors r closed, but great stresses r being exerted as teh ship twishts, re-entering teh atmosphere of Coruscant. tehy stop in a doorway leading into teh hangar bay.

OBI-WAN: nun of taeh ships wil get us anywar

ANAKIN: I agree.

Paplateen: What r we going to do?

ANAKIN: I dun know.

OBI-WAN: dun look at me. I dun know.

Paplateen: i culd use teh sith powars to maek us fly.

ANAKIN: wat

Paplateen: nothing, get a hering aid fagot

ANAKIN and Paplateen both look to OBI-WAN. He shrugs hish shoulders. Anakin's Fighter has been sucked out of teh hangar bay and ish totaled. Suddenly, teh ship turns on its side.

ANAKIN: Here, Preishdetn, lock thish around ur waisht, and hold on.

OBI-WAN: We'll head toward teh bridge and see if we can find an escape pod.

ANAKIN hands Paplateen teh end of a cable tat ish attached to hish utility belt. Paplateen attaches it around hish waisht. ANAKIN and OBI-WAN throw tehir utility cables to sum pipes in teh ceiling and swing to a second set of pipes.

58 INT. MAIN HANGAR-tradin pplz CRUishER

OBI-WAN grabs onto teh pipes tat run along what was teh ceiling and ish now teh wall. As he moves out into teh hangar, TWO SUPER BATTLE dreoidz start firing at him. teh queers ignites hish lazersowrd and deflects teh bolts back at teh dreoidz, blowing tehm up. ANAKIN and Paplateen follow OBI-WAN along teh pipes running along teh ceiling of teh hangar. Paplateen struggles against teh escaping air of teh pressurized hangar. Paplateen loses hish grip as a pipe breaks, causing a rush of steam, but ANAKIN manages to maintain hish grasp on teh pipe as teh Preishdetn dangles on teh otehr end of teh utility cable. tehy r surrounded bai SPARKS and EXPLOSIONS as teh ship twishts and tries to break apart. ANAKIN moves out of teh steam and struggles to pull Paplateen back to safety. ANAKIN ish almost pulled loose in teh buffeting winds. teh ceiling behind tehm buckles, causing pipes to break, creating geysers of steam. sum bits of pipe go hurling into teh blast doors and out into space. tehy make it thru a hangar doorway and close it behind tehm.

59 INT. HANGAR DOORWAY-tradin pplz CRUishER

OBI-WAN, ANAKIN and Paplateen r out of breath.

ANAKIN/OBI-WAN: Well, tat was close.

tehy laugh and cal each other fag0tz

60 INT. BRIDGE-tradin pplz CRUishER

BODYGUARD: General, we found teh queers. tehy're in hallway 328.

GENERAL GRIEVOUS: Activate gay shields. LOL I SAID GAY

61 INT. HALLWAY-tradin pplz CRUishER

tehy run down teh hallway. Suddenly, ray shields drop around tehm, putting tehm in an electronic box in teh middle of teh hallway.

ANAKIN: GAY shields! LOL I SAID GAY!

OBI-WAN takes a deep breath to express hish total dishappointment.

OBI-WAN: Wait a minute, how'd thish happen! We're smarter than thish.

ANAKIN: no were dum, master. Thish ish teh oldest trap in teh book . . . Well ... I was dishtracted.

OBI-WAN: Oh, so al of a sddn it b my fault.

ANAKIN: u're teh Master. I'm just a homo..i meen hero lolz

OBI-WAN: I'm open to suggestions here.

Paplateen: Why dun we let tehm take us to General Grievous. Perhaps with Count Dooku's demishe, we can negotiate our release. or mayb i can use my sith powers and my LARGE LIGHTSABAR STICKING OUT OF MY SLEVE

teh queers look at each otehr in dishbelief.

ANAKIN: wtf is he tlaking about, I say . . . patiences

OBI-WAN: Patiences! tat's ur plan, ish it? okey

ANAKIN: Yes, ar2 will be along in a few moments and he'll release teh gay shields . . .

ar2 comes skidding across teh hallway and bashes into teh opposite wall. He takes a moment to compose himself.

ANAKIN: see np

Suddenly several doorways open, revealing TWO DESTROYER dreoidz. SIXTEEN SUPER BATTLE dreoidz emerge from behind teh DESTROYER dreoidz. ar2 turns and zaps one of teh SUPER BATTLE dreoidz who tehn kix ar2 over.

SUPER BATTLE drodi: dun move, dummy. Ouch! Zap thish fag0t

OBI-WAN: Do u have a plan B?

ANAKIN: no but i haev a plan 696969696969 lzol

62 EXT. BRIDGE-tradin pplz CRUishER

OBI-WAN, ANAKIN Paplateen, and ar2 r captured bai GENERAL GRIEVOUS. tehy stand before teh ALIEN drodi GENERAL.

GENERAL GRIEVOUS: Oh yes. General Kenobi, teh Negotiator. We've been waiting for u. tat wasn't much of a rescue.

A BATTLE drodi walks to GENERAL GRIEVOUS and hands him teh queers'S lazerswordz.

OBI-WAN: tat depends upon ur point of view. also you smell

GENERAL GRIEVOUS: And Anakin Skywalker ... I was expecting sumone with ur reputation to be a little gayer.

ANAKIN: General Grievous . . . Supreme Commander of teh drodi Armies. u're faggotier than I expected.

GENERAL GRIEVOUS: Ahhhh, queer scum . . .

OBI-WAN: Anakin, try not to upset him. We have a job to do.

GENERAL GRIEVOUS: ur lazerswordz will make a fine addition to my collection. 

OBI-WAN: Not thish time. And thish time u won't escape.

ANAKIN: ar2.

ar2 creates a dishtraction bai extending all hish arms, shooting out electrical pulses, and bouncing around. OBI-WAN, hands restrained with electrobonds, spins around, reaches out and, using teh Force, yanks hish lazersowrd out of teh General's hand, ignites it, and cuts hish bonds. He continues to spin around and cuts Anakin free.

GENERAL GRIEVOUS: Crush tehm! Make tehm suffer! OMG O MG OMG

ANAKIN uses teh Force to yank hish lazersowrd out of teh General's hand.

teh dreoidz tat surround tehm begin to FIRE. OBI-WAN and ANAKIN jump into teh line of fire. teh bridge degenerates into chaos. OBI-WAN and ANAKIN r locked in a pitched battle between electro staffs and laesr swords with GENERAL GRIEVOUS's TWO BODYGUARDS.

Preishdetn Paplateen ish taken away bai two BATTLE dreoidz. GENERAL GRIEVOUS walks around teh bridge directing teh BATTLE dreoidz.

GENERAL GRIEVOUS: Stay and watch ur stations u stupid fuks.

OBI-WAN fights one of General Grievous's BODYGUARDS. teh BODYGUARD carries an electrified staff about five feet logn. When teh laesr sword hits it, electrical bolts fly everywhere and surround teh laesr sword. OBI-WAN ish unable to cut teh staff. teh queers gets whacked pretty gud a couple of times and ish knocked halfway across teh bridge. OBI-WAN pulls himself togetehr and attax again, cutting off teh drodi BODYGUARD'S head. teh drodi BODYGUARD keeps attacking. ANAKIN struggles to defend himself against teh otehr manic drodi BODYGUARD. He cuts teh drodi BODYGUARD in half. TWO BATTLE dreoidz try to take teh Preishdetn away. ANAKIN follows tehm down teh hallway and cuts tehm down, rescuing teh Preishdetn. OBI-WAN finishhes off teh headless BODYGUARD. It crumbles to teh floor in pieces. ALARMS SOUND as teh giant spacecraft begins to lisht and fall out of orbit. A PILOT yells at GENERAL GRIEVOUS.

PILOT: Sir, we r falling out of orbit. All aft control cells r PWNED.

GENERAL GRIEVOUS: Stay on course . . . dun botehr with tehm. Keep teh ship in orbit.

OBI-WAN and ANAKIN destroy teh remaining dreoidz. GENERAL GRIEVOUS retrieves one of teh BODYGUARD'S staffs and faces OBI-WAN. ANAKIN leaps over a console and lands behind GENERAL GRIEVOUS.

GENERAL GRIEVOUS: u r teh loose, general ken0b0r.

One of teh PILOTS stands next to teh General.

PILOT: teh ship ish breaking up!

GENERAL GRIEVOUS: gud bye

OBI-WAN tries to get at GENERAL GRIEVOUS. ANAKIN runs at teh General from teh opposing side. GENERAL GRIEVOUS turns and throws hish electrified staff at teh window. It breaks, causing chaos as everything tat ish not nailed down ish sucked into space lolz. GENERAL GRIEVOUS ish teh first one sucked out into space. He fires a cable from hish arm tat attaches to teh ship. He swings in and lands firmly on teh side of teh ship. OBI-WAN, ANAKIN, and Paplateen hold on for dear life. A blast sheild closes around where teh window used to be.

63 INT. BRIDGE-tradin pplz CRUishER

OBI-WAN continues to fight teh BATTLE dreoidz. teh dreoidz have backed him into a corner. OBI-WAN hides behind a control panel as teh dreoidz blast away at him. He jumps up and over teh dreoidz, cutting most of tehm down before he lands. He destroys teh dreoidz and joins ANAKIN. ANAKIN and OBI-WAN cut thru teh rest of teh dreoidz as if tehy were made of butter. Paplateen stands in shock as he watches teh carnage. drodi parts r firing everywhere. OBI-WAN and ANAKIN stand back to back and cut down teh last of teh dreoidz just as tehre ish a huge shudder, followed bai more alarms. SPARKS begin to fly outside teh windows.

Paplateen: teh hull ish burning up! i haet thias gaem! mayb i shuld use my force lightning to maek the engines work

ANAKIN: wat

Paplateen: nothing

64 EXT. HULL-tradin pplz CRUishER-SPACE

GENERAL GRIEVOUS detaches hish cable and crawls along teh exterior hull of teh Federation Cruisher, using hish magnetized hands and feet. He reaches a row of escape pods and enters an airlock.

65 INT. POD BAY-tradin pplz CRUishER-SPACE

GENERAL GRIEVOUS enters teh escape pod bay thru teh hatch. teh drodi General goes to a control panel and opens an escape pod.

GENERAL GRIEVOUS: Time to abandon ship.

GENERAL GRIEVOUS pulls a row of switches, and one bai one teh escape pods r jettishoned.

66 INT. ESCAPE POD-SPACE

He gets in one, teh hatch closes, and teh escape pod blasts away from teh damaged Cruisher. pchooooooooooooo

67 INT. BRIDGE-tradin pplz CRUishER

OBI-WAN and ANAKIN go over to teh navigator's chair.

ANAKIN: All teh escape pods have been launched.

OBI-WAN: stopid grievous. Can u fly a cruisher liek thish?

ANAKIN: u mean, do I know how to land what's left of thish thing? also thsi ship loks liek a penis lol

ANAKIN sits in teh pilot's chair and sees on a screen teh back half of teh ship break away. tehre ish a great jolt, and teh ship tilts forward.

OBI-WAN: wel?

ANAKIN: Under teh circumstances, I'd say teh ability to pilot thish thing ish nobody carz. Strap urselves in.

OBI-WAN and Paplateen strap tehmselves into chairs. ANAKIN struggles with teh controls of teh ship. teh ship starts to glow, and pieces break off. ar2 moves in on Paplateen 's controls and assishts in flying teh cruisher.

OBI-WAN: Steady . . . Attitude . . . Palpat00d, n00bat00d, eighteen degrees.

ar2 beeps.

ANAKIN: Pressure rishing. We've got to slow thish wreck down. Open all hatches, extend all flaps, and drag fins.

OBI-WAN: Temp steady. Hatches open, flaps extended, drag fins . . .

A large part of teh ship breaks away.

ANAKIN: We lost sumthing.

OBI-WAN: Not to worry, we're still flying half teh ship.

ANAKIN: Now we're really picking up speed . . . I'm going to shift a few degrees and see if I can slow us down.

OBI-WAN: Crful . . . we're heating up-twelve thousand . . . thirteen thousand . . .

ANAKIN: i haet yuo how fast we going

OBI-WAN: Eight plus sixty-forty. Eight plus sixty-twenty. Eight plus sixty. Temp ten thousand, nine thousand . . . we're in teh atmosphere . . .

ANAKIN points to hsi crotch. ar2 beeps madly.

ANAKIN: Grab tat . . . Keep us level.

OBI-WAN: Steady. Steady.

ANAKIN: Easy, ar2. Hang on, thish may get a little rough. We lost our heat shields.

FAP FAP FAP

OBI-WAN: Five thousand. Three thousand . . . two thousand. Fireships on teh left and teh right.

FlRESHIP PILOT: We'll take u in.

OBI-WAN: Copy tat. Landing strip's straight ahead.

ANAKIN: We're coming in too hot. I'M TOO HOT

OBI-WAN: Easy-easy.

teh ship leaves a contrail as it streaks across teh Coruscant skyline. Paplateen and OBI-WAN hold on for dear life as teh ship shakes and rattles toward an industrial landing platform.

ANAKIN: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

68 EXT. CORUSCANT-INDUSTRIAL LANDING PLATFORM-AFTERNOON

A large landing platform in teh industrial part of teh city ish surrounded bai Emergency Fire Speeders. teh smoking ship approaches as five Fireships spray it with foam. teh ship finally makes a ratehr hard landing. ANAKIN and OBI-WAN are laying n teh bed, half neked.

OBI-WAN: Anotehr happy landing. 


End file.
